Accepting Sex as Part of Dating

Today, nearly 80% of young people are choosing to live together with someone before marriage. – Clint Decker

Allie Volpe, a reporter with Vox, tells the story of Matt and Aloria. The two began dating and soon started sleeping together most nights. Then after a couple of years they talked and decided they were committed for the long-haul, so a decision was made to move in together. Then a year later, Matt proposed and soon Matt and Aloria were married. (Photo by Chen on Unsplash)

Volpe begins her article with this story, highlighting how the young couple illustrates a new normal in dating. She states, “A 2021 analysis of National Survey of Family Growth data found that among those aged 18 to 44 who married between 2015 and 2019, 76 percent of couples cohabitated first; that was true of just 11 percent of marriages between 1965 and 1974.” Today, nearly 80% of young people are choosing to live together with someone before marriage. And also growing, is the number of couples avoiding marriage, and just choosing to live together.

Is all this just the changing of the times, similar to how technological developments, music tastes, or clothing styles change? Is that all this is? Do the older generations need to accept that sex and cohabitation are the new standard practices of dating? Do grandparents need to recognize that marriage was preferred for them, but for the up-and-coming generation, living together is the superior option? Or is there something more going on?

Sex outside of marriage and co-habitation are moral issues, unlike musical tastes and clothing styles, and the normalization of this is alarming and dangerous. God says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” (Hebrews 13:4) This is not about the views of the church or grandparents, this is ultimately a spiritual issue about what God has to say. He clearly says that sex outside of marriage is dishonoring to Him and the institution of marriage He created. He speaks very directly saying that those who persist in being sexually immoral will face His judgement. These are not meant to be harsh words, but instead a firm and loving warning.

God is not forcing anyone to do anything, because He created us with a sense of self-determination, where we can make our own choices. But God also recognizes the law of unintended consequences, where we do not know, what we do not know. Due to His all-knowing power, He can see into the future and knows the implications of our future actions. Therefore, out of love, He warns about the danger ahead. He sees the chance for an unplanned pregnancy. He sees the possibility of a sexually transmitted disease. He sees the risk of your boyfriend or girlfriend that you have given yourself to, just walking away. He sees the impact of the second, third or fourth person that you have given your body and soul to through sexual intercourse. He sees the likelihood of children being raised by unmarried parents, or multiple stepdads and moms or future boyfriends and girlfriends that come and go, affecting your children’s development with a lack of stability or prospects of abuse.

The Scripture says, “Surely there is not a righteous [a perfect] man on earth who does good and never sins.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20) If you have fallen short of God’s standard you are not the only who has failed. We are all guilty. If you have failed in the area of sexual sin, God opens His arms wide and says, “Come unto me.” He demonstrates this through Jesus, His beloved Son when He died and rose again. In Jesus, you can find freedom and sufficiency. He invites you to find everything you need in Him. Come to Jesus and find new life today.

A prayer for you – Lord God, I pray especially for the young in our nation. I pray for those who are choosing to not get married, but live with their boyfriends or girlfriends. Give them ears to hear your council. Draw them by your Spirit to trust in you and follow in your ways. In Jesus’ name. Amen.