“The harmful choices of one generation
gets passed on to the next through
influence.”
How do the choices you
make affect your children and grandchildren? I read the following from a woman
about her family, “Everyone in
my family for the past four generations has cheated — except for me and one
cousin. (And I’m not sure about him.) My great-grandfather’s affairs were
legendary, and I now own the mirror he bought my great-grandmother as an
apology after one particularly public affair. My grandmother had affairs. My
grandfather [did to], and used to take my father along to see his [lovers]. My
father cheated with girls I went to high school with, and my sister has never
had a relationship in which she hasn’t cheated. One cousin has been divorced
four times, and is always engaged to the next one before the divorce is even
filed.”(Image by Denise Husted from Pixabay)
How
does this happen where the hurtful decisions of the parents are repeated by the
children? We see this in a range of moral choices from divorce, sex outside of
marriage, gambling, alcoholism, physical abuse and more. We see it in lifestyle
choices like living in financial debt and maintaining an unhealthy life leading
to obesity. We also see it in various attitudes and beliefs that are passed
down to each generation.
The
harmful choices of one generation gets passed on to the next through influence.
It is written, “Whoever
walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” (Proverbs 13:20) When children are young and
impressionable, who are their biggest influencers? Family—parents, grandparents
and siblings. And if those influencers are wise, what a blessing, but if dad
and mom engage in foolish, reckless and immoral behavior in those early years,
the children are likely to repeat the same things.
What
is another word for bad moral choices? Sin. It is where we fall short of God’s
perfect standard. Parents and children are all born with this inner corruption,
which leads them toward rebelling against God’s ways. However, parents play a
key role through influence. They can either lead their children away from God
and deeper into a sinful lifestyle, or they can lead them toward God, and show
how they can be free from the power of sin. How can a parent do this?
1) Examine your life to see if there are areas
where you have provided an ungodly example, and thereby influenced your
children.
2) Be willing to stop and change your ways for the
sake of yourself and your family.
3) Turn toward Jesus by faith, and call upon Him
with a desperate heart to change you.
4) Through the power of God, be transformed and
live the difference every day before your family.
5) Teach your children and grandchildren the ways
of God, that they would follow after them.
6) Earnestly pray for them, that God’s Spirit
would change their hearts, just like He did yours.
7) Accept responsibility for how you influenced
your children, but do not bear the guilt of their own independent choices.
8) Step out of the way and let God work. Do not
let your guilt from past choices cause you to be an enabler or rescuer of your
children. Give them to God, and let them succeed or fail because of their own
choices. The Scriptures say, “Let each one test his own work…For each will
have to bear his own load.” (Galatians 6:4-5)
9) Be patient and endure. It took time for you,
and it will take time for them.
10) Be filled with optimism and hope. No matter how
hard it is, how you are treated or how long it takes, believe that nothing is
impossible with God.
A prayer for you – Lord God, I pray that the cycle of harmful
choices that have been passed down from parents to children for generations.
Let the family tree be changed today! The death and resurrection of Jesus,
shows us that change is possible and how nothing is to big for God. Come, Lord,
change our own hearts as parents. Come, Lord, change our family! In Jesus’
name. Amen.
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