When I Forgave My Father

When my father suddenly passed away, I had no regrets. There was nothing but peace in my heart. Years earlier, I had forgiven him and accepted him as he was, not as I wanted him to be. – Clint Decker

My wife and I watched Ragamuffin, a movie about the life of Rich Mullins, a musical prodigy, and the difficult relationship he had with his verbally and emotionally abusive father. We also saw another movie, I Can Only Imagine, about the life of accomplished singer, Bart Millard, and the difficulties he also had with his father, who physically abused him. (Image by alivecounseling.com)

The movies connected with audiences because so many have stories of broken relationships with their fathers. Maybe similar to Rich Mullins and Bart Millard, it was abuse. For others their fathers neglected them while being gone a lot for work or hobbies. And for some, perhaps they grew up without their dad, because for whatever reason, he was gone and they never knew him or just had no relationship.

On the outside, it looked like I came from the perfect family. I grew up in a Christian home where my dad was a pastor, we went to church regularly and my parents never divorced. Yet, inside the walls of our home, it was a different picture.

My father was a complicated man who had strained relationships with nearly every member of our immediate and extended family on different occasions, including me. During a pivotal moment in my life, I excitedly shared that God had called me into the ministry. I anticipated words of encouragement. Instead he commented, “You’re going to need to go to college, and you weren’t a very good student. I don’t know how you’re going to make it.” From that moment until I left for college my dad was the greatest challenge I faced in my call to the ministry. The day I left home was one of the darkest days of my life. While driving away from my home in Fort Collins, Colorado, to begin my ministry studies, I screamed and pounded my steering wheel in a fit of rage.

However, that dark day turned to hope by the providence of God. Little did I know what God had in store when I arrived at MidAmerica Nazarene University in Olathe, Kansas. One of my classes was Pastoral Counseling. Every day it seemed like Dr. Larry Fine was talking directly to me about the anger towards my father. That started me on a 26-year journey of learning to love my dad. That journey reached a milestone in my 30s when my dad and I were talking on the phone and came near the end of the conversation. It became quiet. Silence. My dad was still there. He had not hung up but was unable to speak. He was weeping. Eventually, he gathered himself and whispered, “I love you son.” Then I heard a click. It became the first memory of my father telling me he loved me. It was a powerful moment I will never forget.

On November 13, 2017, my father suddenly died of pancreatic cancer. When he passed away, I had no regrets. There was nothing but peace in my heart. Years earlier, I had forgiven him and accepted him as he was, not as I wanted him to be.

The Scripture says, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:2) At one point in life my disobedience angered God and I deserved His judgement. Yet, He led me to turn from my sin and place my faith in Christ. He truly showed me mercy and undeserved forgiveness.

Consequently, as God showed mercy to me, I learned that I needed to demonstrate that same mercy to my father. God showed me that by His enabling power, I could forgive and show my father the same kindness God showed me in Christ.

There are too many who are living with unforgiveness toward their dads. If that is you, you do not need to live that way anymore. Humble yourself and ask God for His divine help to love and forgive.

A prayer for you – Lord God, I pray for those who are angry toward their fathers. Enable them to forgive and release their fathers to you. To accept and love him just as he is. Do for them, what they cannot do for themselves. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

The Scheme to Silence the Truth

Because truth confronts the conscience and is offensive to the prideful, people scheme to silence it. They deceptively counter it with a phony love. – Clint Decker

The Cathedral of Hope, in Dallas, Texas, is a church that serves the LGBTQ community. The church outlines its purpose saying, “In a world where Christianity has been associated with intolerance, exclusion and hate, [our mission] is to proclaim Christ through faith, hope and love.” (Image by Unsplash)

Before ascending to the Roman Catholic Church’s highest office, Pope Leo XIV wrote about immigration explaining “Jesus Christ, loving everyone with a universal love, educates us in the permanent recognition of the dignity of every human being, without exception.”

Planned Parenthood promoted a blog post about a particular woman’s abortion where she revealed, “It has taken me a long time to get here, but I can now honestly say that I am grateful for my abortion experience. It taught me that even when love is hard, it is always the right choice.”

These quotes highlight three of the hottest topics in our nation, and each is framed around the same concept: love. Nearly every divisive moral issue of our day has supporters using the language of love where you will often hear part of the Great Commandment quoted, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:39) This is the Theory of Phony Love.

The theory frames God’s moral truth as negative while contrasting it with a positive message of phony love. The alleged negative message is, “Marriage is between a man and woman,” while the phony positive message is “Everyone is free to love whom they choose.” The presumed negative message is, “The only way to God is through Jesus” while the misleading positive message is, “We are all God’s children.” The theory depicts God’s moral truth as dividing, hateful and exclusionary, whereas the message of phony love is purportedly unifying, inclusive and compassionate.

Jesus was a victim of this theory. Despite being embraced by the common people, the political and religious leaders did not like Jesus because He continually exposed their evil ways. He once publicly declared, “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you travel across sea and land to make a single [convert], and when he becomes a [convert], you make him twice as much a child of hell as yourselves.” (Matthew 23:15)

The leaders failed to silence Him so they resorted to a deceptive scheme to have Him executed. They went before the authorities falsely stating, “We found this man misleading our nation and forbidding us to give tribute to Caesar, and saying that he himself is Christ, a king.” (Luke 23:2) And they also made claims that, “He stirs up the people, teaching throughout all Judea, from Galilee even to this place.” (Lk. 23:5).

The Theory of Phony Love portrayed Jesus’ teaching in a negative light, alleging it was divisive and dangerous for the nation. At the same time the enemies of Jesus deceivingly presented themselves in a positive light as doing what was supposedly unifying and good for the nation.

This ancient strategy first appeared in the Garden of Eden where God laid down His moral law for Adam and Eve. There, Satan came to thwart God’s efforts by depicting God’s message as bad, and conversely, presenting Satan’s own message as good for them.

When it comes to right and wrong, and good and evil, it is ultimately a spiritual battle over God’s moral truth. It is the standard by which men and women are to live, and one day will be judged by.

Because the truth confronts the conscience, is offensive to the prideful and reveals the need for a Savior, people scheme to silence it. They deceptively counter it with an intolerant, selective and a half-truthed phony love.

Their feel-good message is void of Jesus’ moral truth and amazing grace. For when the humble hear His truth, turn from their evil ways and to Christ, they are rescued from the penalty and power of their sin. They become liberated from the shackles of their evil passions. They come to experience the peace and forgiveness of Christ.

Be wise and reject phony love, while knowing and living out the transforming power of Jesus’ truth and grace.

A prayer for you – Lord God, give your followers wisdom and guard them against deception. Empower them through your Spirit to stand firm, as they continually share your unchanging and beautiful truth. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Jesus was God – Truth or Fiction?

A good man cannot forgive your sin. A miracle-worker cannot remove your guilt and shame. A powerful teacher cannot redeem your life from eternal death. Only Jesus can. – Clint Decker

According to Barna, 92% of Americans believe in the historical existence of Jesus. And on a global perspective, all major world religions have something to say about Him. The Bible, in Christianity, gives Jesus’ own Words, where He said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6) The Quran, in Islam, says, “The Messiah, Jesus, the son of Mary, is the Messenger of God.” (4:171). Rabbi Shraga Simmons says that, according to Judaism, “Jews do not accept Jesus as the Messiah.” (Image by Unsplash)

World religions, historians and billions of people agree in the historical existence of Jesus. Agreement gathers around what He did calling Him a good man, miracle-worker or powerful teacher. However, when we move from what Jesus did to who He was – there division arises.

The main point of tension is over the claim of His deity. His own statements speak for themselves on the subject. In one of His most straight forward assertions, Jesus said, “Whoever has seen me has seen the Father” (John 14:9), or put in other words, “When you see me, you see God.”

Did Jesus’ claim lead to His crucifixion? His fiercest opponents will agree He was murdered, but why it happened is where the tension is. Those who conspired to put Him to death give us some insight. Once when they were talking with Jesus, they picked up stones to kill Him. Jesus challenged their reasoning, to which they responded, “It is not for a good work that we are going to stone you but for blasphemy, because you, being a man, make yourself God.” (John 10:31-33) Though Jesus escaped from their presence, His opponents actually helped people to know who He truly was.

What are the facts? Jesus was crucified because He openly stated the truth of His deity for all to see and hear. However, what His opponents did not realize, is that His crucifixion would be the ultimate test of His claim. If He was truly God, how could He die and never live again? How could He allow Himself to be tortured to death, then put in a tomb to rot away?

Through a providential turn of events, the very thing Jesus’ enemies used to destroy and be rid of Him, became the greatest proof of His deity. On Friday afternoon, while Jesus’ bloodied and bruised body hung on the cross, the historical account states, “And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice and yielded up his spirit.” (Matthew 27:50) Just like any other human being, Jesus died and then was put into a tomb. His enemies were right. His claims proved false. Friday night and Saturday was a dark time for His followers. But then on Sunday morning as two women went to see Jesus’ grave, they encountered an angel that was sitting on Jesus’ tombstone, which had just been rolled away. The angel said, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. He is not here, for he has risen.” (Matthew 28:5-6)

Jesus rose from the dead and nearly 2,000 years later He still lives. His resurrection validated all His claims that pointed to the truth, that He was God in human form.

What if an atheist who agrees in the existence of the historical Jesus, also believed He was God? What if a Muslim who accepts that Jesus is God’s messenger, also believed He was God? What if a Jew believed He was truly the Messiah? Jesus’ resurrection changes everything.

But what about you? A good man cannot forgive your sin. A miracle-worker cannot remove your guilt and shame. A powerful teacher cannot redeem your life from eternal death. Only Jesus can.

Do not just believe these facts about Jesus, but turn from trusting in yourself to fully trusting in the living Jesus with all your being.

A prayer for you – Lord God, open the eyes of people to the truth of who Jesus is. Bring skeptics to ask you their questions. Help them to understand and lead them to trust in your only Son. In Jesus’ name. Amen.