What’s Happening with My Adult Kids?

“Pastor Miller, thanks for coming over on short notice. My wife and I appreciate it. We are at a loss and don’t know what to do with our son, Tom. We just can’t handle it anymore. He’s an adult and has been out on his own for a while. For years we’ve dealt with his unpredictable behavior and have tried everything. He wasn’t raised this way. Pastor, what else can we do? Where did we go wrong?”

Maybe you are a parent with teenagers or adult children that are living destructive lives. Can you identify with this dad and mom?

Long ago there was a great King who had a wayward adult son who brought waves of grief to his heart. The life of King David’s son, Absalom, was filled with selfishness, arrogance and cruelty. The story that symbolizes his lawless life is when, in a patient, premeditated and vengeful fashion, he murdered his brother. In cold blood he took his life, then turned and fled his father’s Kingdom. The tragic event was the beginning of David’s downhill relationship with Absalom. Things never improved, but eventually ended with even more tragedy when Absalom was murdered in cold blood as well. In response to learning of his wayward son’s early and needless death, David grieved as any parent can understand, crying out, “O my son Absalom, O Absalom, my son, my son!” (2 Samuel 19:4)

David was considered “a man after God’s own heart” yet, had a son who lived a lawless life. If it can happen to him, it can happen to any parent. Let me share six prayers you can consider praying over your difficult relationship with your adult son or daughter.

1) Pray and ask God to show you any parts of your life that may have influenced your child’s behavior toward the harmful choices they are making. No doubt, at some point, David realized that his adulterous affair with Bathsheba was a negative influence on Absalom’s life.

2) Pray and ask God for forgiveness for the things you may have allowed in your life that was harmful to your child. Then by faith, release any feelings of guilt to Him and receive His joy and peace.

3) Pray and ask God to help you accept that no matter what happened in the past, between you and your child, they are ultimately an adult and are solely responsible before God for their behavior.

4) Pray and ask God to help you release your child into His hands, stepping away from constantly rescuing him or her and trying to make up for the failures in the past.

5) Pray and ask God to help you forgive your child for the pain he or she has caused, and to show sincere love and undeserved kindness, just as God has shown you.

6) Pray and ask God to transform your life that you might be the parent or grandparent that you never were in your earlier years. Ask God to restore what was lost and change your family tree.

There is hope for any family in crisis and it begins with Jesus. The greatest enemy of the family is sin. Jesus suffered, died and rose again to defeat sin. When you turn to Christ, His Spirit will come to dwell within you and give you the power, day by day, to live victoriously and overcome hell’s vicious onslaughts against your family.

Victory for your wayward son or daughter begins with Christ in you, then Christ in them. Jesus is greater than drugs, alcohol, mental illness, criminal behavior or any other form of recklessness.

May the words spoken to a dad and his family centuries ago, by the Lord Jesus Himself, be spoken to you in the days ahead, “Today salvation has come to this house” (Luke 19:9).

A prayer for you - “Lord God, I pray for peace in homes where children have headed down a path of destruction. Give hope to parents who feel at a loss and do not know where to go and what to do. Show yourself as a rock of refuge and a shelter in a time of trouble. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”

Lay Your Burden Down

There are millions of people carrying such heavy burdens all across our world.  They cannot sleep at night and wake up tired.  They have regular appointments with their counselors.  Their attempts at hobbies and exercise are strategies to find relief.  What burden are you carrying?  If you want to find the peace you have been searching for, it is found in a person – Jesus.   

Once He was invited to dinner at a religious leader’s home.  Other religious leaders also came, and together they sat down at the table and began visiting.  Jesus’ fame as a preacher rose quickly, so word continually spread where He was.  A certain prostitute who was impacted by Jesus and His ministry learned of His whereabouts.  She made her way into the house and found herself standing before Jesus and the other guests.  She stood without saying a word, then began weeping.  So much, that her tears fell on Jesus’ feet.  Seeing that, she bent down and began wiping the tears off with her hair. 

During the whole process, the religious leaders were incensed at the woman and Jesus.  Noticing this, Jesus spoke to the dinner host, addressing the host’s attitude toward her, then eventually turned back to the woman and said, “Your sins are forgiven” (Luke 7:48).  That incensed the leaders even more.  Then He spoke one final word before she humbly slipped out, “Your faith has saved you.  Go in peace.” (Luke 7:50). 

This prostitute was looking for something, just like all those preachers in that room, all the people in her city, and like you and me.  Her search took her into prostitution, for others it is different. 

But when she heard of Jesus, something awakened in her that no doubt said, “This is it!”  And she overcame the barriers before her to get to Jesus and when she got there, He did not disappoint her. 

She found forgiveness for all the wrong she had done!  The guilt and shame she had been trying to outrun was finally washed away.  How did that happen?  Faith.  Jesus said, “Your faith has saved you.” 

Wow!  It was her faith that provided forgiveness.  It is interesting to note, what Jesus did not say.  He did not say anything about religion, morality, goodness or education.  Just faith.  He did not refer to anything about personal will power, having a positive attitude, perseverance or working hard.  Just faith.  And what is faith?  It was her belief, trust and confidence in Jesus.

We are all naturally wired to be independent and achieve.  We want to earn what we have.  Our culture is set up that way from our parents and high school coaches, to our professors and bosses.  Work hard and succeed.  It is up to you.  Faith in Jesus is opposite.  This woman simply had faith and her life was instantly transformed.  She believed Jesus was the Son of God.  She believed she had done wrong and needed forgiveness.  She trusted that Jesus had the power to forgive.  She was confident Jesus was sufficient for all she needed.     

Then Jesus said, “go in peace.”  No doubt the immoral life she led weighed on her.  She not only needed forgiveness, but peace.  Often the foolish things we do cause great amounts of stress and anxiousness.  In one moment, her simple faith brought forgiveness and peace.  Lay your burden down at the feet of Jesus.  Have faith in Him. 

A prayer for you - “Lord God, I pray you will help the readers to end their search.  Bring them to take off their burden and find forgiveness and peace in Christ through simple faith. In Jesus’ name.  Amen.”

Four Marks of a True Man

Esquire magazine published the article, “How to be a Man.” The author wrote a series of proverbs on manliness.  One stated, “A man knows how to lose an afternoon. Drinking, playing Grand Theft Auto, driving aimlessly, shooting pool.”  Please, do not follow their advice!  Unfortunately, too many already do.   

Like most men, I learned what a man was primarily from my father, other men in my community and on TV.  My favorite TV character growing up was the Six Million Dollar Man.  When I was 20 years old though, my life changed when I came to know the supreme model of manhood – Jesus.  He taught me what it was to be a real man.  Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life” (John 14:6).  Truth refers to reality, what is not hidden.  The life of Jesus was lived openly.  He showed the world how to live a perfect life, no matter if someone is a man, woman, or child.  In Jesus, I see what kind of man I am to be. 

1.    A real man has purpose.  Jesus said, “I must preach the good news of the kingdom of God to the other towns as well; for I was sent for this purpose” (Luke 4:43).  Jesus had a purpose for His life and work.  What about you?  When you follow Christ with all your heart, He will show you your purpose.  Read His Word.  Ask Him, then patiently wait, and He will reveal it to you.    

2.    A real man has love.  Jesus said, “. . . just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another” (John 13:34).  Jesus loved a small group of men He mentored.  He loved by telling them directly and showing them through acts of service.  Jesus’ greatest demonstration of love was when He died and rose again for the sins of the world.  He modeled love through sacrifice, by putting the needs of others above Himself, even to the point of death.  Men, love your wife, family members, friends and even your enemies, the way Jesus did.      

3.    A real man has a pure heart.  Jesus said, “. . . everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28).  Jesus was single, ministered to women and had women among those who followed Him, yet in all this, He never lusted.  He was pure in mind, heart and body.  Men, say no to pornography.  Say no to sex outside of marriage.  Say yes to Jesus, and invite Him to purify your mind and give you power over temptation.    

4.    A real man has right priorities.  Jesus said, “. . . what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? (Mark 8:36).Jesus was incredibly successful.  Yet, despite His celebrity, He forfeited the riches of this world for something far greater.  Men, be excellent in all you do, but do not look to your career, possessions, income or achievements for your worth or identity.  Live for more than that.  Do not forfeit your eternal soul in the pursuit of temporal things that provide momentary pleasure.  Live fully and wholly for Jesus.  In Him is found everything you need in life.    

Do you want to know what a real man is?  Look to Jesus!  Follow Him and change your family tree for generations to come.

A prayer for you - “Lord God, I pray that the men who read this will become men like Jesus.  Help them to have purpose in life and work, to love like Jesus did, to have a pure heart and for you to be their number one priority.  Enable them to take the first step today by turning to you and away from their sin.  Bring them to call upon you in belief and for forgiveness, then transform them into new men. In Jesus’ name.  Amen.”